You just have to understand sometimes that gay or lesbians are very self conscious about their sexuality or find it to be a big elephant in the room they like to address before someone asks them first. It's sometimes their way of beating you to the punch. They over do it and act very proud and almost defensive.
Dude, straight people reveal their sexuality all the time, when they talk about their girlfriends/boyfriends, that one guy they thought was cute, etc... They reveal their sexuality all the time, and it's just considered talking. With gays and lesbians, it's kind of an elephant in the room (as someone else put) that needs to be addressed, or else they won't be able to talk freely about relationships.
That's the whole point, phan. If a straight person feels the need to make that revelation right in the beginning, then I don't need them any more than I need g/l person doing the same.
On Friday 12/6/13 - 10:20:35 AM dacash wrote: That's the whole point, phan. If a straight person feels the need to make that revelation right in the beginning, then I don't need them any more than I need g/l person doing the same.
Depends on the circumstances. Did I recognize our mutual friend and cross the room to say, "Hi," while you were in the middle of a conversation? I can't blame you for continuing w/ whatever your conversation might have been w/in 5 minutes, and if it includes something that gives your sexual orientation away, why should I hold that against you? Similarly, if you're wearing a t-shirt promoting my wife's hometown, why can't, "Hey, that's where my wife's from," be the 3rd or 4th thing out of my mouth?
I don't think this is a question that cuts both ways equally, either. Straight people reveal their sexual orientation all the time, and in such subtle ways that it doesn't really even register. Being gay is still just fringe enough in plenty of circles that mentioning it in the exact same manner registers more.
I suppose it does for some IRLI. But I'm one of those guys that knows how a movie is going to end in the first 10 minutes because I catch all the foreshadowing. My mind is constantly trying to build the missing pieces of every story I hear. So when I meet someone, I usually walk away knowing a great deal more than the person thought they told me. Little tidbits about family or relationships are huge items to me when I hear them.
On Friday 12/6/13 - 7:32:59 PM Kepi wrote: I think if you haven't picked up on someone's sexual orientation within 5 minutes of meeting them you are likely either drunk or not listening.
True. but there is a huge difference between 'picking up on' and them shoving it down your throat. Although that may be a poor metaphor to use here.
I think this depends way more on relationship status than orientation...
Example: IRLI meets someone who's wearing a t-shirt promoting his wife's hometown. Natural for him to go for common ground and say "Hey, my wife's from there!" Immediately you know he's married to a woman, and can infer that he is not gay (although it's still slightly a mystery because he could be bi).
On the other hand, I'm not dating anyone, so it's unlikely that the first five minutes of meeting someone will include anything related to my orientation (except edge cases, like a blind date).
I'd agree that the more serious the relationship is, the earlier it is appropriate to signal it to people you meet.
But I'd still find the situation IRLI mentions a bit odd. When I meet someone wearing a I DC t-shirt, I'm still going to find something else to talk about in the first 5 minutes than "Hey, I'm live around there" which means I'm not likely to say "Hey my wife is from there." either (especially since she's not, but you get the drift).
It might come up in the conversation, eventually, even in the first hour.
That isn't to say there haven't been times when I've been more aggressive about it. I've met women who were very ... assertive, to whom I've found a way to bring up my wife very early in the conversation. More as a way to politely say that I'm not interested or in milder situations "We aren't headed there."
On Friday 12/6/13 - 7:32:59 PM Kepi wrote: I think if you haven't picked up on someone's sexual orientation within 5 minutes of meeting them you are likely either drunk or not listening.
Oh please. Not every gay man is flamboyant, and not every gay woman is butch.
On Friday 12/6/13 - 7:24:43 PM dacash wrote: I suppose it does for some IRLI. But I'm one of those guys that knows how a movie is going to end in the first 10 minutes because I catch all the foreshadowing. My mind is constantly trying to build the missing pieces of every story I hear. So when I meet someone, I usually walk away knowing a great deal more than the person thought they told me. Little tidbits about family or relationships are huge items to me when I hear them.
That explains two things
1- how you are reading people's posts.
2- you're really bad at it.
You may have a point on the net. What I would say, though, is that the internet is not real. Anyone one can readily deny what they really think or why they think it or even who they are and what they do. So 2 problems: 1) Clues given are far more likely untrue than RL 2) Admission of faults is far less likely than RL.
I think one of the reasons for my stellar popularity is having hit the truth so often. People trying to convince themselves and others of who they aren't on the net really don't appreciate those who call them on their bullpoo.
I note in particular that you lack discernment about a woman who I called out. She no longer comes here: she knows she's blown and can't fake it here any more. You think I'm bad at it because you still believe her. Now, one of us is clearly wrong. Can you accept that it might be you?
i don't find that people lie that much more on the internet than in real life. especially on a site like this where people have met each other and it's a pretty small close knit community
of course people do still lie, but there's a lot of that in real life too. actually, i generally have a harder time spotting lies in real life than on the internet, because i am really suggestible in person and can easily be fooled by charisma and stuff whereas you can be a bit more dispassionate in seeing what people are saying on the net
On Friday 12/6/13 - 7:32:59 PM Kepi wrote: I think if you haven't picked up on someone's sexual orientation within 5 minutes of meeting them you are likely either drunk or not listening.
On Friday 12/6/13 - 11:48:59 PM dacash wrote: True. but there is a huge difference between 'picking up on' and them shoving it down your throat. Although that may be a poor metaphor to use here.
Right, but if I have already picked up on it and they mention it to clear the air, then we move on, who cares?
What's annoying is if it is an unnecessary component to every conversation we have. Like if We're talking about someone's spouse referring to them by their title (husband, wife, etc.) cool, but if I feel like I'm always talking to someone trying to be the mouth piece for queer culture or the champion of straight traditional values, I'm out.
sky,
I'm amazingly open and frank. Yet there is only one person on YT I've ever met. And I assure you that in the time we were together I could have maintained any lie I'd already made about what I do for a living, what I believe about issues, how I feel etc. Because what is real, who we really are, aren't quips in 900 characters or a gesture made in 2 or 3 hours. Who we are is what we do everyday when faced with thousands of little choices. And the only way to really know that is to be around someone on a regular basis. Few people on YT know each other that well. But feel free to kid yourself about it.
On Saturday 12/7/13 - 12:42:30 AM dacash wrote: I'd still find the situation IRLI mentions a bit odd. When I meet someone wearing a I DC t-shirt, I'm still going to find something else to talk about in the first 5 minutes than "Hey, I'm live around there" which means I'm not likely to say "Hey my wife is from there." either (especially since she's not, but you get the drift). It might come up in the conversation, eventually, even in the first hour. That isn't to say there haven't been times when I've been more aggressive about it. I've met women who were very ... assertive, to whom I've found a way to bring up my wife very early in the conversation.
I love how the exceptions you allow yourself involve the subtle message that strange women find you attractive... and that making exceptions to this judgy-mcjudge-a-lot rule is your prerogative...
...and it's worth a set of narcissistic parentheses to clarify that your wife isn't actually from DC... yet the fact my wife is from a very small, out-of-the-way town isn't a circumstance you make room for at all. I guess that fits the autobiographical narrative depicting yourself as one who learns more about people than they actually tell you, which is pretty understandable when you don't actually think others own knowledge of themselves can ever compare to yours.
Let's recap, dacash:
Your answer to this questions is a pretty quick, "Yes."
Mine is a, "Not necessarily."
You can't handle my refusal to rush to judgment.
So not only is it okay for you to judge people so quickly, it's not okay for others not to.
There's a huge world between judging and and making every effort to understand someone. Once again: you are judging by inferring that I'm judging. Maybe you should notice those fingers you've got pointed at yourself, when you point one at me.
And yes, one occasion women find me attractive. Doesn't happen every day, or even every month, but it does happen. And when it does, it is those situations I feel it is appropriate to mention my marital relationship. It is the rarity of that encounter that is the whole point, not the frequency.
I can handle your lack of discernment. Its one of your defining features. That doesn't mean I think it is a good thing.
On Sunday 12/8/13 - 1:49:25 PM dacash wrote: Once again: you are judging by inferring that I'm judging.
Ah, yes. When YOU do it, you're right, and it's constructive criticism, and some people just have a problem w/ the truth and all that. When I do it, it's just inferred, b/c I'm wrong. It must be nice being your own God, dacash. Made Him in your own image, I see.
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DC t-shirt, I'm still going to find something else to talk about in the first 5 minutes than "Hey, I'm live around there" which means I'm not likely to say "Hey my wife is from there." either (especially since she's not, but you get the drift).
