[image] I keep thinking about laying down in the sun like in a patch of grass. But in one of the patches of grass that is outside a strip mall,... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of 1-800vertigo | mood: Enraged

Come Back To Me - Ramsey & Fen Remix

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1 month ago - Saturday 4/23/22 - 12:04:20 AM EST (GMT-5)

I keep thinking about laying down in the sun like in a patch of grass. But in one of the patches of grass that is outside a strip mall, or by a car wash. I think about how maybe when I die one of those patches of grass will be my heaven.

1 month ago - Saturday 4/23/22 - 12:04:56 AM EST (GMT-5)
SO CRISP SO CLEAN!!!!
1 month ago - Saturday 4/23/22 - 12:08:58 AM EST (GMT-5)
I am so tired from work lately I haven't been able to sleep right because I have unfinished tasks at work, I'll wake up at random times trying to get the work done but I cant cause I'm not in the building
1 month ago - Saturday 4/23/22 - 12:17:45 AM EST (GMT-5)
Have been searching for a pair of shoes that don't exist. I want converse weapon high tops in pink, or some fast break high tops IN PINK the only ones I can find I'm unsure about
1 month ago - Saturday 4/23/22 - 12:23:05 AM EST (GMT-5)
I keep thinking about ponds, about pond water, and the hole I should dig in my backyard, how I want to be just on the surface of water.

Earlier today I felt myself melting with the shapes of the carpet and I just kept working through it it was hmmm a bit comforting but still disorienting. Its like I am able to steer through those things a bit easier now.
1 month ago - Saturday 4/23/22 - 12:31:06 AM EST (GMT-5)
I had this dream last night I was dating this really terrible guy. I really don't know why I was with him, I didnt even like him. He worked at some very "normal" looking office and Id just wait for him in his car.

He would yell and throw things at me and hit me and all the typical bad boyfriend things. It was like I was with him just to watch and observe him.

I would go to his apartment and sit in the bathroom, I would sit on the kitchen floor like there was a tornado drill. I don't know why I stayed with him, he wasn't cute or anything I just watched him and it made him so angry my very presence irritated him. I don't think I spoke to him either, I didnt want to tell him anything about myself.
1 month ago - Saturday 4/23/22 - 12:36:29 AM EST (GMT-5)
April has came at me with incredible speed. I wish I kept a diary that was more about my day to day happenings but I have my planner and that's good enough.

Ive been reading more lately though which has been nice. I seem to have a habit of only choosing the most depressing things to read though. I literally just go by "oh this is not checked out and seems good" and then I end up on good reads afterwards trying to confirm that "yes I did not imagine those last 350 pages it was real you read it right"
1 month ago - Saturday 4/23/22 - 12:41:15 AM EST (GMT-5)
About half way through this book about a group of friends being hunted down by a deer that they killed hunting, they in the end didn't fulfill their promise to the deer.

I was kinda :/ about it at first, the pacing was BLEH but I stuck with it for the personal representation and it was actually through that representation that I was able to understand it better.

Because I was like "oh cool a book about natives" and then I was like "this guy sucks" and then I cycled through the writing more and it was like no this is the perfect book for me. He did suck, he got what was coming to him :)
1 month ago - Saturday 4/23/22 - 12:44:04 AM EST (GMT-5)
I am an onion being pawed in someones hands. Its been windy and hot and I like the wind but in the afternoon at work I cry because of the heat I just cant take it. I have to start going to the sauna again to build up some sort of tolerance.
1 month ago - Saturday 4/23/22 - 11:33:49 AM EST (GMT-5)
A really interesting book for its pacing that I found rewarding was The Beautyful One’s Are Not Yet Born. But I read that a while ago.

I can get easily frustrated by tone in more modern works. It seems so conversational sometimes. Or as though we’re supposed to be in on the motive or the overall perspective. Writing to you like they’re chatting with a friend rather than exposing their inner beliefs.

F*cking nihilists.
1 month ago - Tuesday 4/26/22 - 1:30:18 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 4/23/22 - 11:33:49 AM amaqdrinker wrote:
A really interesting book for its pacing that I found rewarding was The Beautyful One’s Are Not Yet Born. But I read that a while ago. I can get easily frustrated by tone in more modern works. It seems so conversational sometimes. Or as though we’re supposed to be in on the motive or the overall perspective. Writing to you like they’re chatting with a friend rather than exposing their inner beliefs. F*cking nihilists.


Lol yes! I agree, I read The Incendiaries by R.O Kwon awhile back and I felt like for a book exploring religion we got so little of it, like the author expected me to understand why characters kept making these bonkers decisions.I could pick surface level motives, concepts they were trying to push, but most of it was from clichés/tropes they threw in the writing like sad mean rich girl.



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