Had to write about this dream I had last night. My dad came to talk to me at my mothers house, I was fifteen years old again. He had the... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of 1-800vertigo | mood: Good

Sorry that I keep posting about my dreams here

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1 month ago - Tuesday 11/23/21 - 12:51:25 PM EST (GMT-5)
Had to write about this dream I had last night.

My dad came to talk to me at my mothers house, I was fifteen years old again. He had the knew big black truck he has now, parked at the dead end in an impossible angle.

I watch myself walk out my mothers door, down the drive and to my dads car. These days I feel closer to him, so I would have climbed onto the car somehow, maybe jumped through the open window. 15 year old dream me doesn't even go into the street, she stands on the sidewalk and is as straight as a snake between two nails.

I can hear him yelling at her. I can't see her face, I want think she's betraying nothing, she has a lot more control than me.

I look away, to the familiar yards of my neighbors. When I turn back to my younger self and father, his intestines, brain, and heart are on the cracked cement of the street.

1 month ago - Tuesday 11/23/21 - 12:55:07 PM EST (GMT-5)
My younger self didn't do it. But she is worried she will be blamed for it, this is not how she imagined this moment I know. Because I often thought of my fathers death. I thought he would be hunted down and killed, I thought I would attack him in the kitchen and make my brothers beat me up so it looked justified.

I can see her start to shake but she pushes it off her somehow. Something I would not be able to do now. Because at this point, I kept waking up and trying to get out of bed but I was pulled back into to the dream and each time it would start over.

She turns, walks into the house. All her siblings are there, she tells them that mom said it was okay to play on the big tv in the basement, so they unplug the switch and take it down there.

She goes into the bathroom, gets rubber gloves mom uses for cleaning and her perfume. Then to the kitchen and gets a trash bag.
1 month ago - Tuesday 11/23/21 - 12:59:39 PM EST (GMT-5)
The entire time I'm begging her to call the cops, to say it was a freak accident and to cry better she is trying not to cry. She needs to she looks insane.

She bags our dad up, hoses down the whole drive way, and then gets her purse, puts the perfume in it, and smashes it on the ground in the spot dad once was.

I watch her for three days. She doesn't break for three days and she makes the stupid mistake of altering his time of death to the cops. I can feel her paranoia on the phone as she tries to sound more hysterical but she has reconciled with this already.

I hear the cops voice too on the phone. He is confused. I want to tell her to just cry, to not speak anymore but I woke up for good.

Then I finished reading this one batman/superman fic, played some puzzle fighter and ate some leftovers. So I guess I'll be having a normal day from here on out.
1 month ago - Wednesday 11/24/21 - 3:17:21 PM EST (GMT-5)
Had another one last night. Was thrown between being in my body and watching myself from a distance.

My job gave my department paid time to go visit the cities gardens. When I get there it is actually more of an orchard, our tour guide tells us that we can eat any of the fruit.

I grab a pear, and the first bite is amazing, but then I see underneath the fruit is worms. I drop the pear, it's filled with maggots, bugs, worms. It breaks apart on the paved path of the gardens.

I look around to see if anyone saw and to warn my coworkers but their fruit is fine and they are eating happily.

I look down at the fruit, in my body, as I look up the gardens shifts and blurs and suddenly I'm in a Costco or Sams Club. One of those endless brightly light places.

1 month ago - Wednesday 11/24/21 - 3:23:00 PM EST (GMT-5)
A very small, almost a toddler, child waddles to me. Her curls halo around her head big for a child's hair, and her eyes are somehow cruel and mean.

Of course it is me.

She is looking at me expectatanly, like she's saying "aren't you going to pick me up stupid?"

I pick her up and she starts crying. But I can't set her down it would feel wrong.

Then a boy that I had (in the words of the Smith's) an entanglement with, turns the corner of aisle. I piece it together and 'oh this is his kid,' and I remember 'he came to me and my grandma for help, he doesn't know what to do with her'

My grandma turns the corner too, the grocery cart full. He looks at me holding myself and I see it click in his head too. That I am holding myself. His head tilts to the side and he looks more concerned for me than the little girl.
1 month ago - Wednesday 11/24/21 - 3:26:18 PM EST (GMT-5)
The setting shifts again. My grandma parked outside a restaurant in a strip mall. The doors to the car are open and I am talking to her as I play with the baby.

She is grabbing at me and trying to knock me over. She thinks she is strong. She's wearing pink jeans and a white shirt which I recognize is from one of my baby photos.

Then the boy comes bearing the food. We all laugh when we let her try some of the chili from the chili cheese fries. Her face scrunched up in horror and she cries.

After we eat she tries to chase the boy around. Then my grandma tries to teach him to change a diaper.

It starts to rain we get in car and I start to fall asleep. The busy street a vauge oil painting underneath all the rain.
1 month ago - Wednesday 11/24/21 - 4:29:53 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Wednesday 11/24/21 - 3:17:21 PM 1-800vertigo wrote:
I grab a pear, and the first bite is amazing, but then I see underneath the fruit is worms. I drop the pear, it's filled with maggots, bugs, worms.


Doesn't this happen in the bible with like rice or something
1 month ago - Wednesday 11/24/21 - 5:22:53 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Wednesday 11/24/21 - 3:17:21 PM 1-800vertigo wrote:
I grab a pear, and the first bite is amazing, but then I see underneath the fruit is worms. I drop the pear, it's filled with maggots, bugs, worms.
On Wednesday 11/24/21 - 4:29:53 PM HunnyDew wrote:
Doesn't this happen in the bible with like rice or something


Bible? Can I watch that on venmo
1 month ago - Monday 11/29/21 - 5:41:32 PM EST (GMT-5)
I watched hairspray last night and for some reason I can't shake the feeling that it is the first time I've seen hairspray sober.

Okay yeah, I saw it with my mom when it first came out I know that, but my younger self lived in an absolute daze (aka psychosis) so it doesn't count.

I feel very self absorbed and vain as of late. There is just so much junk in my brain it needs to be disassembled from me.

Have been reading a lot of comics this month. Willworld is prehaps one of my favorite things ever, my only complaint being the pacing feels a bit off.

My knee has been feeling different lately. I think I got some muscle back and my knee cap is no longer dislodged, it just aches more now.

Keeping having dreams about this one guy and it's terrible. I hadn't been thinking about him but he showed up in my head for some reason.
1 month ago - Monday 11/29/21 - 5:44:38 PM EST (GMT-5)
Torn between 1) having found someone with my interests from the same culture and city and background 2) having that same person turn out to be rancid so the aspects of our culture that we shared SUCK to think about now. like FIRST SNOW I HAD FIRST SNOW WITH YOU AND YOU FNEIEIWIWIWJDNFJRI
1 month ago - Monday 11/29/21 - 5:45:57 PM EST (GMT-5)
Also my period is looming over me and as usual it's making me paranoid and I keep thinking I'm being followed and walked around my house with a baseball bat last night and this morning
1 month ago - Monday 11/29/21 - 7:21:58 PM EST (GMT-5)
I have these recurring nightmares that I just flunked a class. But I haven't even taken a course for a grade in three years nor had a real in-person class since Spring 2009!
1 month ago - Tuesday 11/30/21 - 11:21:06 AM EST (GMT-5)
I flunked a class once but due to technical error and by the time I figured it out nothing could be done

I believe in harboring grudges for free so if given the chance I would fight that teacher
1 month ago - Tuesday 11/30/21 - 11:54:00 AM EST (GMT-5)
I have a dream that I’m missing class and didn’t know there was a test. There’s a whole campus that I imagine actually.
1 month ago - Tuesday 11/30/21 - 6:24:17 PM EST (GMT-5)
Is it the same campus everytime?
1 month ago - Tuesday 11/30/21 - 10:14:49 PM EST (GMT-5)
There are recurring buildings.
1 month ago - Friday 12/3/21 - 12:35:50 AM EST (GMT-5)
I had a dream where I was arguing with my niece and nephew because they were saying they were taller than people and I told them they weren’t above anyone.

Then I woke up and fell asleep again and there was some kind of laboratory equipment that I was supposed to use to measure small metal spheres but it was broken and then I fixed it and then someone stole it.
1 month ago - Friday 12/3/21 - 12:51:56 PM EST (GMT-5)
Had another dream last night. I was at a mall that was a fair. This mall is a recurring mall as well. My little brother had a baby. For some reason I had to carry the baby to the other side of the fair. At one point he crawled out of my arms and in front of me. And we were in a goat barn at one point. And a goat jumped up and I had to protect the baby from getting kicked by the goat. And then I got to the rest of my family on the other side of the fair. And it was like a big room with a television and couches. And I think I gave the baby to someone. And then I was walking and two little goats started leading me downstairs into a basement. Then someone grabbed me by the throat in the dark of the basement. Then I ran upstairs and was trying to tell people about getting attacked. Then I woke up.
1 month ago - Friday 12/3/21 - 5:43:04 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Friday 12/3/21 - 12:51:56 PM amaqdrinker wrote:
and two little goats started leading me downstairs into a basement. Then someone grabbed me by the throat in the dark of the basement. Then I ran upstairs and was trying to tell people about getting attacked. Then I woke up.


U almost got killed by 2 baby goats :(
1 month ago - Friday 12/3/21 - 5:43:56 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Tuesday 11/30/21 - 11:21:06 AM 1-800vertigo wrote:
I flunked a class once but due to technical error and by the time I figured it out nothing could be done I believe in harboring grudges for free so if given the chance I would fight that teacher


I feel stupid hating teachers that I haven't talked to in like two years but also I hope they choke and holding grudges is for cool people
1 month ago - Friday 12/3/21 - 11:30:46 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Friday 12/3/21 - 12:51:56 PM amaqdrinker wrote:
and two little goats started leading me downstairs into a basement. Then someone grabbed me by the throat in the dark of the basement. Then I ran upstairs and was trying to tell people about getting attacked. Then I woke up.
On Friday 12/3/21 - 5:43:04 PM HunnyDew wrote:
U almost got killed by 2 baby goats :(


I think it’s about the past few years of my life. I’m not sure. I have weird dreams.
1 month ago - Saturday 12/4/21 - 11:40:17 AM EST (GMT-5)
Goats :D I love baby goats , they are so small and stupid
1 month ago - Saturday 12/4/21 - 11:41:18 AM EST (GMT-5)
Hate goats :( I don't like when they charge at you for shi/ts and giggles
1 month ago - Saturday 12/4/21 - 12:00:13 PM EST (GMT-5)
Also came to dream dump and complain.

Had a dream about this guy again. Which is so annoying honestly, LIKE WHAT IS HE DOING THERE? I'm watching myself at a house party, I want to say its my friend D's place, D goes to college with this guy and through the loose invitations of house parties, he is there too.

I don't see him for the most of the night. I don't think he is there most of the night or maybe he was waiting for me in the alley. A few people are back there, smoking and drinking, I stumble through the garden gate, drunk but still capable. I must be searching for fresh air.

I sense him before I see him, which is how it is in real life too. He is looking at me, alone, and out of place here. He came alone. It must be spring because he is still able to wear his leather.

1 month ago - Saturday 12/4/21 - 12:01:09 PM EST (GMT-5)
I approach cautiously. He tells me he missed me, I say nothing, but sit next to him one of those white plastic lawn chairs. He is talking to me but I can't hear it, the dream me seems to understand though and is listening to him.

I wake up before anything else arises.

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