You know that scene in the last Matrix movie where Agent Smith asks: "Is it over?" Yeah I feel that way about this pandemic. I really wish things would go... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of EhFahQ | mood: Depressed

Hi. It`s been X days

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10 months ago - Tuesday 8/18/20 - 10:12:33 AM EST (GMT-5)
Wait that link you have to have a account.

This the album on my account, you don't need a flickr account to view it:
10 months ago - Wednesday 8/19/20 - 12:00:49 PM EST (GMT-5)
You're a good photographer. I'm impressed.
10 months ago - Wednesday 8/19/20 - 3:40:15 PM EST (GMT-5)
Yeah, every time I take a pic, it looks like hell.
10 months ago - Wednesday 8/19/20 - 3:49:37 PM EST (GMT-5)
Are you taking pictures of Hell?
10 months ago - Wednesday 8/19/20 - 3:50:45 PM EST (GMT-5)
My employer frowns on me taking pictures on the workroom floor
10 months ago - Friday 8/21/20 - 12:31:33 PM EST (GMT-5)
I haven't smoked a cigarette in 23 days.
I've been a landowner for 49 days.
I've been alive in this form for 15,845 days.
8 months ago - Monday 10/12/20 - 1:05:29 PM EST (GMT-5)
Since this was necrobumped....which should be a bannable offense, I might as well update. Oh look they got banned

One tell that I am not doing well because I end up posting a journal here, make a few reddit posts, etc. Nothing on the farcebook because I only use that for pictures (I had it closed for almost 2 years)

Feeling a bit better than I was 2 months ago when I posted this journal. I was having passive suicidal ideation. Which was a bit bothersome because I had done nothing but work on my mental health for over a year. I guess I regressed, and that is ok. I have the tools and the coping skills I need to manage myself, but things just got tough. A few years of constant hardships really take their toll. I really just want all of this to stop. But it won't so I have to deal.
8 months ago - Monday 10/12/20 - 1:05:49 PM EST (GMT-5)
I have been doing meetings again, both NAMI and CODA. I have been reaching out to friends more. Of course doing my art and playing music. Just trying to live a some what normal life.

Life has been ok lately. Just celebrated 1 year with my girlfriend. It was a really nice day, we both got each other books. It was really special. I am grateful everyday that we found each other. Now she gets to make fun of me for being older than her for about 2 months.
Cassie had some major dental surgery. 18 teeth removed at once! She is feeling better than ever. It cost a ton but it's worth it for her health. Also her breath doesn't smell like death anymore. I didn't mind because I love her, but it's a plus.

I finally gained some weight after being underweight for a few years. I am really not happy about it, but my family and my girlfriend is, so I just ignore my thoughts on it.
8 months ago - Monday 10/12/20 - 1:06:16 PM EST (GMT-5)
20 months sober, 7 months smoke free!

Next weekend I start my training to be a NAMI Connections Facilitator. Which means I will be running NAMI meetings once a week to help other people out. That place saved me, so I am happy to give back. I have a lot of thoughts of going back to school to start a career to help more people in the mental health field. But I don't know if I will be able to handle school, work and other things. I know I would do a good job though.

I finally got the last piece of my E-Kit in the mail. It was in pre-shipment for 35 days. Thanks DeJoy. What an a-hole. So my drums are almost put together now. Just need to redo my office to make them fit properly.
8 months ago - Monday 10/12/20 - 1:06:50 PM EST (GMT-5)
My half-sister got evacuated because of the Creek Fire. I gave her my room and office for 2 weeks while she waited to head home. It was nice staying with my girlfriend for that time. I want to live with her soon, so it was a good way to know if that will work. It will, so I'm happy about that. Sisters house was safe. Also got to meet her 200 lbs half wolf-half German Shepard. Such is an amazing dog and would eat you if you messed with my sister.

My Rock Band crew came in 3rd place out of like 4,000 crews last season. That was pretty rad. Then the crew imploded and I found out the leader was a super creep that stalked women. So I noped the hell out of that situation. Joined another crew, which has non-stop drama, so I am about to nope the hell out of there too.
8 months ago - Monday 10/12/20 - 1:07:14 PM EST (GMT-5)
Been enjoying a lot of new music this year. Favorite albums of the year are:

Punisher - Phoebe Bridgers
Beginners- Christian Lee Hutson
Ruiner - Wilsen

Thank you to the 3 people who read this. Anyways, picture time:
8 months ago - Monday 10/12/20 - 1:11:25 PM EST (GMT-5)

8 months ago - Monday 10/12/20 - 1:16:39 PM EST (GMT-5)

8 months ago - Monday 10/12/20 - 1:21:37 PM EST (GMT-5)

8 months ago - Monday 10/12/20 - 3:29:43 PM EST (GMT-5)
Nice update. Glad you're doing better. Now only two people have to read it.
8 months ago - Monday 10/12/20 - 10:57:38 PM EST (GMT-5)
Dude is talented
8 months ago - Tuesday 10/13/20 - 10:03:05 AM EST (GMT-5)
I think the count is still only up to two.
8 months ago - Monday 10/19/20 - 4:29:52 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Monday 10/12/20 - 3:29:43 PM snarf wrote:
Nice update. Glad you're doing better. Now only two people have to read it.

Thanks dude. Working on it every day, even days like today where I am so burned out that I can barely function, eat, sleep or think properly.

Hope you are doing good!
8 months ago - Monday 10/19/20 - 4:32:18 PM EST (GMT-5)
Goal meet:

I am officially a NAMI Connections certified facilitator. Trained for two 8 hour days over the weekend.

I am very proud that I finished training and meet another goal of mine. That is a great feeling. My friend and mentor sent me this message.

8 months ago - Tuesday 10/20/20 - 4:37:32 AM EST (GMT-5)
I love looking through your pictures, they always make me smile. OMG PURPLE TREE!

Sorry to hear things aren't going well (OG post), hopefully things will turn around once you've figured out what's going funny with your meds.

Congrats on the 1 year photo challenge completion, the 1 year gf and your NAMI certification!

But I'm disappointed you didnt take a pic of your sisters dog! Maybe next time

Hope you're doing better, take care.
8 months ago - Tuesday 10/20/20 - 9:45:08 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Tuesday 10/20/20 - 4:37:32 AM Puller wrote:

Oh I got you with the dog pics. Hope you are doing good!

8 months ago - Tuesday 10/20/20 - 9:49:27 AM EST (GMT-5)
Pics from the last week or so:

8 months ago - Tuesday 10/20/20 - 12:47:31 PM EST (GMT-5)
The look on the stalking cat. Great.
Super good news. Congrats. And giving back where you got help is a great thing too
8 months ago - Wednesday 10/21/20 - 4:43:12 PM EST (GMT-5)
I'm glad you found solice with something enough to give back. I'd like to join some kind of group to help mentally. Therapist wasn't doing it and I'm weening off meds now.

Saving up for a baby so I know I'm going to struggle mentally and trying to prepare for that. Is it all online?
8 months ago - Wednesday 10/21/20 - 5:35:00 PM EST (GMT-5)
I like my therapist especially now that it's phone only.

I am refusing meds. My psych doctor I talk to is some fobby nursing assistant

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