How do you know you're getting bad again?

Is it late at night when you lay in bed, blankets wrapped up tight around you like a cocoon, desperate for sleep to take you? Is it when even your racing heart, fluttering in your chest like so many butterflies, can't keep up with the thoughts running through your head? And you lay there, still and quiet, your body giving into the exhaustion while your mind continues to fight itself; is it when the sweet embrace of slumber eludes you for yet another night?

Is it when you're scrolling through your apps, seeing your "friends" living their picture perfect lives with the dozens of likes on their every post and you start to wonder "why not me?" Is it when you fight back the tears again, feeling so disconnected from their worlds, lost in an emptiness only meant for you? And you plead for support while your friends list grows smaller and the people who claimed to care just stab you in the back; is it when you realize that you really are that "friend" no one actually likes?

Is it when you find yourself keeping your feelings hidden deep inside, too wary to show yourself to the people who keep rejecting you? Is it when you cry in the shower, your salty tears mixing with steaming water, because it's the only time you can let yourself feel vulnerable? And you wonder why no one can see all the pain inside, the anguish eating you alive - or if they just don't care to; is it when you find yourself utterly alone, giving no one the chance to let you down?

How do you know you're getting bad again?

How do you know when you've reached rock bottom?

What do you do when you're losing it all?

How do you know when you're getting bad again?