Latest Journal Entries

Supermonkey Ball Count Down Begins Now - Mood:Lovestruck

Thursday September 30 20212:41:51 AM |

I guess its actually my birthday but I havent gone to bed yet and I'm not technically 20 until 10pm. I dont really care how old I am. When I was nine my aunt printed off this short story from the internet for me to read about how every year you get older its like putting a coin in a piggy bank and I remember being livid thinking it was the stupidest thing I'd ever read. I do love the idea of birthdays. I love other peoples birthdays too. Lately I have concluded that I am mourning my younger self. I think I stated here before that when I'm upset I think about watching over my younger self as a way of calming myself. I didn’t connect those two things until today. I mourn her in the way that she is very tired and small and so tired. Someone should let her sleep or give her a knife. Anyways. I have been busy. November is coming. Going to bed early tonight :p:p:p

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I ramble - Mood:Spent

Monday August 30 202112:29:09 AM |

There is often this crude feeling that I must create, even when nothing is clicking. When I have no ideas or gears grinding in this little head of mine. Often I find myself reminiscing about things when I get in this "dumpy" mood. Like I'm desperately trying to find something to write about. My great aunt had some pictures she let me go through. There was this one of me when I was a toddler, I had this very neutral expression, my hair still extra curly and my little earrings shining. It reminds me of how my mother always says "you never wanted anybody to hold you, or look at you you would cry if I tried to cuddle you for too long": and how everyone says I would hide in cabinets, closets, under beds, and take naps with people in the room without them knowing. I don't know. I just think that perhaps, this part of me is very true.

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Look out!!! Person describing their dreams!!! - Mood:Frightened

Thursday August 19 202110:27:26 PM |

For the past four days now I have been having dreams about water. Specifically baths and pools. The first one is fairly simple; I have several friends who are in a...group chat with me. We usually get on call a couple times a week, sometimes to play online uno, watch movies, to just sit and do our own things while chatting. In this dream instead of getting online, any time I wanted to have a convo with my friends we had too meet up at the pool. In particular a poll located in the middle of an office floor. Imagine a large office floor. Gray carpet, some wood paneling, some walls have that "fun" millennial exposed brick, all the furniture is yellow, gray and red. In a line of offices with doors, and across from the main chunk of cubicles is a pool.

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